


Never Enough

by Sp_aceagecrystals



Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, Half-Life
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Half-Life VR But the AI is Self-Aware, He/Him and They/Them Pronouns for Benrey (Half-Life), M/M, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Canon, Sort Of, benrey is trying his best he's just bad at this/everything, but like wholesome, completely SFW, gordon isnt super into this but he's going along with it anyway, shower date?, slight ending au, they were roommates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:28:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26860648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sp_aceagecrystals/pseuds/Sp_aceagecrystals
Summary: Post-Canon with a slightly altered ending, Benrey is genuinely trying to live a human life with Gordon. He is, unfortunately, not well suited to it.(rating for some swearing, but that's about it)
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman
Comments: 10
Kudos: 84





	1. Minecraft and a Bad Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benrey admits his feelings, and the two try and go out on a date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tbh, I'm not super happy with this, but I feel like it gives too much context to the other stuff I want to write for me to just not publish it first. There's a chance I might change and rewrite some of this, but for now I just want to move on, so hopefully this is bearable.

About a month ago, Black Mesa had been erased from existence. Bubby and Coomer now worked as an independent scientific research team, who may have committed the occasional crime to supplement their grant funding. Tommy lived "with" his dad (to say G-Man lives anywhere seems wrong) and worked at a Dunkin' full-time. Gordon was handed the keys to a new, 2-bedroom apartment and given the task of keeping an eye on Benrey.

Perhaps, under different circumstances, Benrey wouldn't have been a factor in this. Gordon didn't even want to think of how the fight would've gone if Tommy hadn't spoken up. As absurd as it was, stopping the giant alien god by uninviting him to your birthday party almost made sense after all they had been through. G-Man agreed that they definitely shouldn't be left to their own devices, so Gordon somehow got chosen as their designated baby-sitter.

Okay, maybe it wasn't that bad. Gordon got a security job (ironically enough) at a food plant nearby, so he was either working or asleep most of the time. He rarely saw his roommate- not that he was complaining. The few times he did speak up were when something was wrong - like the fridge was almost empty - or if Benrey had said something nonsensical enough to provoke him. He told himself on a near-daily basis that he wasn't afraid anymore. He wasn't afraid of them, really! They just had an unnerving presence, and who wouldn't jump if someone randomly teleported through a wall next to them? Other than still wearing that godforsaken helmet, they seemed to have put their Black Mesa days behind them. It took about two weeks for them to stop wearing the bulletproof vest, and one more for them to wear anything other than their old uniform. It was becoming normal to see them silently playing some game in the living room when he got home from a late shift. They didn't speak, so neither did Gordon. It was a quick, painless process that saved them both the frustration of their strained communication.

It was a pretty normal night, Gordon having just walked in at about 3 am and Benrey being sprawled on the couch with his PSP in hand. His occupancy had become a sort of white noise, so Gordon didn't even register when he spoke up. He glanced over, but his roommate hadn't even looked up from his console, so he shrugged it off until he tried again.

"hey, hey feetman? you hear me? need to clean your ears or somethin?"

"Yes, I can hear you. I'm fine." Of all the times, why now? Why when he's tired and just got back and wants nothing more than to sleep? He just focused on washing the containers from his lunch to avoid getting worked up. 

"wow, kinda rude to not ask me how I am." He must've turned off the PSP, cause he stuffed it in his pocket and meandered over to the bar counter in front of the sink. They just leaned there, watching their roommate.

"Ok, how are you?"

"I'm just, you know how, how it is..."

"Cool, I'm gonna-" Gordon turned off the sink, and Benrey was gone.  _ Fuck it, who cares, at least you can sleep now _ . He turned to leave, only to be less than a foot away from the alien, who appeared at the entrance to the kitchen area. He jumped back out of instinct, almost tripping but catching himself on a counter. "What... the fuck!"

"oh shit whats wrong"

"You- you just fucking teleported! Don't do that!"

There was a beat of silence as they just hovered over him. "Hey dude, wanna play something?"

"Huh? You didn't even-"

"I got- minecraft-"

"On the PSP?"

"No,  _ dummy _ , it's on the computer."

"Yeah, yeah, of course it is. Listen man, I'm really tired-"

"they added goats."

"Goats? Cool."

"And, uh," Benrey smacked his lips loudly, trying to remember something, "birds." His eyes were almost glowing from under his helmet's shadow. God, why the hell did he even still wear that?

"Pretty cool- but I'm, like,  _ really _ -"

"need a nap? lil baby feetman need a nap? huh?"

_ Deep breath, count to five, just relax _ . "If I play Minecraft with you, can I go to sleep?"

"mayhaps."

Gordon sighed, and got up. "So, are you going to set up a server or something?"

* * *

An hour later, Gordon was most of the way through building a basic-looking house on his roommate's server. It wasn't too bad, he got to look at all the cool updates he had missed and Benrey was being pretty nice about explaining stuff. Other than a few weird comments, things were chill. SUre, he was still tired, but at least now he knew he would be able to sleep uninterrupted later. 

"knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"open the door."

"That's not how- wait you mean in the game? Can't you just open it yourself?"

"I, I wanted to be polite."

"Oh, well, sure. Just a sec." Gordon ran downstairs and clicked open the door. Benrey slowly crouch-walked in, holding some item he didn't recognize. "Did you just want to see the house? I can give you a tour, if you want."

"oh sure, that sounds, pretty- pretty epic."

They went through the house together. It wasn't all that special, but at least it wasn't bad. Finally, they got to the bedroom.

"one bed?"

"Do I need more than one?"

"can... can I-" They pushed away from their desk, glancing back at Gordon on the floor beside them before staring at their fiddling hands.

"C'mon, just say it."

"can I put my minecraft bed next to yours?"

He was speechless. Gordon has faced possible death caused by this person - if you can even call him that - and this was the thing that made him nervous. Were they in fucking middle school? Is this even fucking happening? "You... want to..." He couldn't even finish the sentence without breaking into a fit of tired giggles. 

"dude, don't- don't laugh. i'm trying to- to be all nice and sensitive, and you, you're  _ laughing _ at me."

Catching his breath, Gordon tried to be a little nicer. "So, you want to sleep next to me? In Minecraft?"

"you don't have to say it like that."

"Say it like what?"

"like that!"

"Like what!?"

They stared back at their screen for a full second, before turning back to their roommate. "what?"

"God, why do I even bother? Sure, you can put your Minecraft bed next to mine."

"wow, man, that's, that's kinda gay."

That was it. "Ok, I'm going to sleep." He started shutting his laptop, but Benrey scrambled onto the floor with him so quickly he didn't get a chance to stand. 

"nooo, don't go! we- we were just getting to the good part!"

"What 'good part'?" 

They adjusted so they were on their stomach, head resting on the palms of their hands and elbows on the floor. They looked like some love-sick teenage girl, telling her best friend about the guy she's spoken to once and plans to marry. "oh, you know..." Gordon swore that, if there was a vocal equivalent to ending a text with <3, then Benrey just did it. 

"Listen, man, I know you've been coming on to me and all, even in Black Mesa, but can you just tell me what you're trying to do? Like, do you actually want to go out with me or something, or are you just doing this to fuck with my head?"

"go... out?"

"Like dating? Oh god  _ please _ tell me you know what a date is, I really don't feel like explaining it right now."

"pfft, course I- course I know about dates. it's where you eat? right?" He literally couldn't be more obviously bluffing. "eat some, uh, mac and cheeeese."

"So, you do actually have a thing for me?"

"yeah, uh, big- big thing. massive big love thing."

A year ago, if someone told Gordon everything he had just gone through, and asked him if he would go out with the eldritch horror being that drained his sanity and nearly killed him multiple times, he'd probably say no. But now? What was there to even lose? Benrey was frustrating and obnoxious and childish, but he was also facinating. Nothing about them made sense, and this might be the perfect opportunity to learn more about them. Plus, it's not like anyone else was vying for his affection at the moment, so he isn't missing out on anything.

"Fuck it, sure. When do you want to go out?"

"woah woah, for serious? you wanna , like, do things with me?" He seemed genuinely shocked at that, like he was expecting to be shut down.

"Why not?"

"top ten epic gamer moments!? okay so like what now."

"Wh- I just asked, when do you actually want to go out? I'm off on Sunday, so maybe that night? It's not like you're ever busy."

"yeah, yeah sounds good."

Over the course of another ten minutes, they got the plan down. The two would meet at 5 on Sunday night at some casual-but-good American grill (Gordon's suggestion). If it went too bad, he could always just call it off. What could really go wrong?

* * *

Ok, maybe Gordon was a little excited about this. It couldn't be that bad, right? He didn't really see Benrey after Black Mesa past coming home from late shifts, but that didn't really count. He was a little early, so he sat waiting in his car, killing time on some clicker app. The text tone almost startled him, but in hindsight, it was one of the better ways for Benrey to get a hold of him.

_ hey,, car? outside please? come out? <<<3333 _

Mhm. Well, not uncharacteristic, so whatever. He got out as requested, immediately faced with his date. Helmet was still on, of course. Their black jeans and sneakers weren't too odd, but his shirt... oh god. Gordon didn't even know where to start processing it. At first, in the low evening light, he thought it was some sort of aquarium scene poorly printed on a button-up. Not great, but he could overlook it. A step closer hit him with a wave of horrified recognition: that was Goku. That was a bunch of Gokus. What the fuck.

"Hey Benrey, what's with the shirt?"

"huh." He glanced down to his own clothes, then back up to Gordon. "it's got buttons." It was almost impressive how easily they could leave him speechless. They just opened their mouth, and he had the painstaking job of salvaging something from the word vomit. "don't like buttons?"

"No, it's not that, just... forget about it. Let's just go in."

So they did. The restaurant wasn't busy, so they were seated pretty quickly. The waitress, probably some high-schooler doing this part-time, complemented his roommate's shirt. Drinks came fast (water for Gordon, Mountain Dew for Benrey), and the food was ordered not to long after (burger and ribs respectively).There wasn't much conversation. Was he nervous? Did he just not have anything to say? Sure, they weren't exactly talkative, but for a date this was a bit underwhelming. 

"So, you like ribs?"

"they're nice and. uh. meaty."

"Cool." That went absolutely nowhere. "What have you been playing recently?" They were always carrying that PSP around, they had to be into something.

"Farm Frenzy Pizza Party™."

"Wh... what?"

"you grow stuff. to make pizza."

"Uh-huh. Sounds... fun?"

"yeh I got, like, ten pandas."

"You make pizza out of  _ pandas? _ "

"no, they just- just keep trying to eat my chickens."

"Well maybe you shouldn't farm near pandas!"

"I dont! they get airdropped into my-"

" _ Airdropped? _ Who's dropping pandas  _ into your fucking farm! _ "

"dunno, but they keep doing it, so just gotta keep trapping 'em."

The thrilling banter was interrupted by the food's arrival. Gordon thanked the waitress as she walked off. It looked good, at least. He turned back to Benrey to continue the conversation, but was too dumbfounded at what he saw to speak. They held about three ribs in one hand, shoving them - bone and all - into their mouth. They didn't chew. They just swallowed it whole, before burping with perfect comedic timing. 

"How... did you..."

"is that not what you're supposed to do?" His eyes were wide and genuine. They still had that glow, but it seemed a bit softer now. 

"You just eat the meat. Humans can't eat bones like that. Don't you know that?"

They just stared at him, then at their food, then him again, and then the food. Gordon just shrugged it off and tried to start eating. Occasionally, he made comments mainly for the purpose that anyone who saw them wouldn't be concerned. It wasn't meant to be mean, just that they might want to wipe the sauce off their hands before they grabbed their cup or to not put the grape jelly left from the breakfast rush on his meat. Whether it was his face or his tone, something seemed to make them nervous. eventually, they just stopped eating entirely. Gordon was about finished, so he didn't think too much of it. 

"Full? I am too. If you want, we can leave, we just have to get the check first."

"check?"

"You  _ do _ know we have to pay, right? Actually, you know what, don't worry about it, I'll pay." He was a bit agitated, but it wasn't deep. After all, he had sort of been expecting this. Benrey mumbled something that he couldn't quite catch.

"What was that?"

" 'm sorry."

"For what?"

He didn't get an answer, because his date just stood up and walked out. He cursed himself and left a fifty on the table before running out after him.

"Dude, wait- wait! What's wrong?"

"you don't have to be such a- such a little liar. gordon liarman."

"What on earth are you even talking about?"

Benrey wasn't exactly expressive, but anger radiated out from him. "you hate me! you don't have to lie, just say it! say you don't want to be here!"

"Why would I hate you?" Admittedly, he could think of a few reasons. More than a few, maybe. A lot. The more he thought about it, the reasons just kept piling up. He did, in a way, hate the man. But it wasn't really hate. It's more the way someone might hate their cat: sure, it can be annoying, but you aren't going to just give it away. 

"I don't know! I keep trying, to be good. like you."

_ Huh? _

"you're so, like, good. nice. you know things! I'm just stupid and dumb and stupid. can't learn. can't do anything right. cringe."

As nice as the compliments were, they seemed a bit sudden. He still hadn't forgotten about the constant insults and berating from the days of the Resonance Cascade. Saying that he was mean. To jump off cliffs. That the whole thing was his fault. The anger and exhaustion and desperation boiled in him as he stared at the former security guard. At  _ Benrey _ . And then they reached out.

* * *

Sometime later, Tommy pulled up. He rushed over to his friend, who hadn't moved the whole time. Still lightheaded, he let Tommy help him into the passenger side seat. Soon enough, they were driving. Street lights flashed by, and Gordon felt like he was dying. He hadn't meant it.  _ He hadn't meant it. _

"Benrey called me. He said you- that you were really upset. He said he didn't know what to do."

"I'm sure he did." It came out more bitter-sounding then he wanted it to. 

He didn't mean to jump, honestly. When he saw that hand reaching towards him, those yellow eyes, that _ fucking helmet _ , the hatred melted away and all he felt was fear. Before he even knew what happened, Gordon was on the ground, hyperventilating, unaware of his surroundings. Out of instinct, he had pointed his arm at the alien and squeezed. And Benrey just stared back. He looked hurt. Gordon felt tears welling up. His hand fell back to his side. They walked away.

"Maybe you should be a little nicer to him."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I know that we all went through some stuff but, I think he's trying his best. He likes you a lot."

"Well, maybe he shouldn't have waited so long to be nice."

Tommy's car must have been pretty well-kept, because it was almost silent. Gordon wasn't really mad anymore. He kept telling himself that. He told himself he wasn't scared of Benrey anymore on a near-daily basis. 

"It's hard."

"What?"

"It's hard, to be nice. They aren't like us. They don't really- they don't get people."

"Hold on a second, aren't you not human either?"

"Yeah, but I grew up here. I know what people are like. He came from a whole 'nother planet to take over, and he didn't. He's trying to be better at- at-"

"Being a person?"

"Yeah."

The car pulled up to the apartment, and he eventually found himself at the top of the stairs. Keys clicked. The door opened. 

Benrey wasn't in the living room. Nor was he in the kitchen, bathroom, or either bedroom. Too tired to worry about them, he just showered and went to bed. It was early, but he was beat. This was going to be a tomorrow problem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shirt described is here if anyone's curious: https://i.chzbgr.com/full/8459801088/h610334FE/draggin-balls


	2. Shower Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benrey and Gordon reconnect after the night before, and end up doing Benrey's date idea: a shower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> listen. this is a specific non-horny zone. this shower is entirely wholesome. 
> 
> also, I realize now that all my chapters are probably going to feel p slow in this, just since it's all domestic drabbles.
> 
> (slight warning for rl application to game clothing physics and probably an increasing abount of body horror in future chapters.)

Gordon had Monday off, so he had the whole day to deal with the consequences of last night. He checked the apartment again to see if Benrey had ever returned, choosing to take their bedroom door being locked as a good sign. After knocking softly, he waited for any kind of response. Nothing. He knocked a bit harder and called through the door. “You in there? It’s me.” _No shit, obviously it’s you_. “Listen, uh, I know last night was kinda rough, but if you feel like coming back out sometime today, I want to talk things out.” With no response again, he gave up and started making breakfast. 

Admittedly, Gordon wasn’t exactly a chef, but he could make a few things well. One of those things was grilled cheese. He practically grew up on the things, so it was safe to say he had pretty much mastered them. Just when he was about to serve, a door creaked open nearby. A pair of squinting yellow eyes peered out at him from the shaded room.

“It’s good to see you up. Feeling any better?”

Benrey shuffled out of the room and chose to instead occupy the kitchen doorway. They seemed fixated on the sandwich as it slid onto the plate, not even looking at the guy who made it.

“Hungry? I can make you one if you want.”

“cheese?”

“I mean, it has cheese in it, yeah. But it’s more of a sandwich. Have you never had a grilled cheese before?” With Benrey just staring at him expectantly, he sighed and started getting the ingredients back out. “What kind of cheese do you want? You can’t really pick a wrong one, so just tell me and I’ll put it in.”

“can I have some, uhhh, yellow?”

“American or Cheddar?”

“yeah.”

He grabbed both with a sigh and got started. It was kind of nice to be cooking his partner breakfast in the morning. This was the kinda dull domesticity he was into! Sure, the context of the situation taints it a bit, but Gordon was trying to focus on the good stuff here. He attempted to subtly glance over to get a better look at how his roommate was doing. They were in an old-looking black hoodie and cut-off sweat shorts. He’d already seen the abomination before, so he had no reaction anymore to it. Even the custom holo crocs they wore were insignificant at this point. As expected, the helmet had stayed on. 

He finished the grilled cheese, and slid the fresh plate over to his roommate. 

“Do you want to eat here, or the table?”

“sit maybe? please?”

“Table then, I guess.”

They sat and started eating almost instantly. Ok, listen, Gordon was trying to be a little more open-minded. Benrey wasn’t human, so he might do things a little differently. But it can’t be unreasonable for him to feel a tad bit concerned watching his friend _unhinge his jaw_ so he could stuff the entire sandwich in his mouth at once. The bone slid back into place as he swallowed. 

“yo, pretty sick, poggers for master chef feetman.”

Well, at least he liked it? _Cmon Gordon, stay positive_. 

“You know, if you eat things by taking one bite at a time, you get to taste it better. Like this-“ and he took a reasonably sized bite of his own sandwich. It was sort of absurd, teaching what looked like a grown adult how to eat a sandwich. Hell, maybe Benrey was just fucking with him and wanted to watch him act like and idiot. Thinking back, though, he wasn’t sure he’d ever seen them eat before. There had been plenty of soda breaks, but no real food. He was about to swallow, when Benrey, who had been staring at his plate since Gordon spoke, suddenly reached up to their mouth. They hesitated. Gordon was torn- he didn’t want to guess what they were doing and possibly stress them out again, but he was pretty sure they were about to try and pull the sandwich back up. When they started moving their hand into their mouth, he gave up on subtlety.

“Benrey I am literally begging you right now, do not bring it back up.”

“huh?”

“The sandwich. Don’t try to pull it up and out.”

“why not?”

“Because it’s really gross! A person pukes if they try that.”

“oh.” Benrey returned to his original position, and watched patiently as Gordon ate. Thinking back on his conversation with Tommy, he started to understand. Benrey was trying to do exactly as they were told, but because they don’t have the same physical limitations or social context, it seems like they’re actively trying to be weird. The events at Black Mesa had left the team in such an odd situation that a lot of basic habits were either left unscrutinized or entirely ignored.

Gordon got up and started cleaning off the plates. He really did want to talk to them, but now that they were here he didn’t really know what to say. 

“So, about last night. I’m sorry that I freaked out like that, and that you thought I was unhappy.” Silence. “I think I might still need some time to really get adjusted to being around you. I know you’re trying to act more like a human, but I still associate you with… all that.” He gestured broadly behind him to somehow illustrate his point.

“so you probably don’t- uh- wanna do stuff? with me?”

He had an answer ready, and he considered it one final time before he spoke. “Not exactly. As in, it’s not exactly over. Unless you want it to be, which I would totally get! But I’m still up for trying again if you are.”

Benrey’s head turned so fast it hurt just to see. His eyes were wide and, despite the ample light pouring in from windows, glowing brighter than ever.

“You know, a date doesn’t have to be at a restaurant.” Gordon was more just thinking out loud now, but he hoped they might have some kind of input. “Like, really anything a couple does together could theoretically be a date. The breakfast we just had could be a date. We could go for a walk, or watch a movie, or-”

“shower?”

“Yeah, or sho- hey wait _what_.”

“shower date? for benrey?”

He struggled to hold his voice steady. “Okay, so just to be completely clear here, you are saying you… want to take a shower? With me? And just that?”

“...is there more?”

“Well, I just- uh-” He really had to choose his words carefully here. “SInce, you know, were together now, and I just want to be sure that, when you say you want to shower with me, you don’t mean, like…” He didn’t want to say it. Which was stupid because, if he remembered correctly, Benrey has already seen (and touched!?) his dick when they first met, so this is really the least weird thing for him to be worried about. 

“ooooh you mean like fucking? gotchya mind in the gutter, feetman?”

“No, it’s not like that! I just want to be sure we’re on the same page here. Like, I’m cool with the whole relationship thing, I just don’t know if I’m really… ready to go that far?”

“oh uh. got it. no prob.” It almost sounded a bit sarcastic, but that could have just been their monotone inflection. Knowing how wild their choice of words could be, that was probably as genuine as they could get. “sooooo. shower time?”

“Oh you mean right now? I- I mean, shit, I guess? Not like I have anything better to do…” Gordon was done with the dishes, so “now” really was going to be _immediately_. The two headed to the apartment’s shared bathroom, and Gordon locked the door purely out of habit. No one else was here, so it’s not like it mattered. He felt nervous. 

“Hey, how exactly do you wanna- uh- do this? Like, if I’m being honest, I don’t even know if those clothes are a part of you or if you can take them off-”

“kinda- kinda gay, wantin me to take my clothes off.”

“This was _your_ idea!”

“it was?” He had found a seat on the counter, sitting at an oddly uncomfortable angle as usual. Gordon didn’t want to be the first one to start stripping, and he meant what he said earlier- he really wasn’t sure if Benrey _could_ get out of them. 

“Seriously though, _can_ you take those off? Are they attached to you or something?”

“yeah, kinda, but um. I can try.” They grabbed a towel, then paused to look Gordon directly in the eye. “um, a bit privacy? please and thank you?”

“Oh, sure!” He turned to start running the water, realizing he didn’t know how temperatures work for his partner. Benrey has spontaneously combusted at least once before, so he probably didn’t mind heat, but did he prefer it? “Do you care how ho-“

Absentmindedly, he turned to glance over as he spoke. What he saw was hard to process. There Benrey stood, about half-naked. Not half in the sense he had taken off his shirt, but half in the sense that his clothes were halfway finished clipping entirely inside his body. The fabric seemed to shrink and absorb into him, leaving only his cool-gray skin behind. Meanwhile, his hands were busy vigorously toweling his head. Long locks of deep black hair slowly started to spill out from underneath it, reaching all the way to his waist. There was an occasional thrash, but otherwise he seemed entirely focused on whatever was happening on his scalp. Finally, he pulled the towel off and gave his head one final, definitive shake. 

The hair was even more disarming once it was fully visible. It simultaneously looked like it had never been washed but was also carefully manicured - comparable to a doll’s. While the longest lengths ended at his hips, there seemed to be a bizarre shag-layered effect throughout the mass of waves. Highlights appeared almost iridescent with a mix of blues and purples, while shaded areas were a void-like black. On his face, a layer of bangs that reached his cheeks cast a similar shadow as before over his eyes. Beady pupils fell back onto his boyfriend, the hint of a smile gracing his face. 

“yo feetman, ‘said no peeking! bein a- a naughty lil boy, huh?”

Gordon returned to messing listlessly with the shower knobs, heat creeping over his face. Thankfully, he had been so bewildered by their hair that he hadn’t looked below their chest; not to say he wasn’t curious. That was purely scientific though - he wanted to know what the anatomy of a non-euclidean alien was, not what was between his roommate’s legs.

“whatchya waitin’ on, bro? just gonna leave me out to dry here?”

Yup. No more putting it off. How could he, in good faith, expect Benrey to alter their physical manifestation for this without being willing to do the same (stripping, that is, not whatever you would call the process they just went through)?

So he started. Each piece of clothing was harder to take off then the last. It meant nothing to say he felt naked, but this really _did_ feel weird. Benrey didn’t even seem to notice, as he just stepped into the shower.

“Is the temperature okay?”

“huh? oh, yeah, it’s fine.”

Gordon finally joined them and he closed the curtain. The water was a little warmer than he’d like, but he could look past it. As water trickled through their thick bangs, he suddenly noticed something. “Wait, can you even see like that?” 

“kinda?”

“It just looks like your eyes are completely covered. Oh wait, do you have some other way of seeing?”

“you mean like- uhh, smell-o-vision?”

“... Do you have that?”

“nah but I can see with like, my brain, bro! eyes are just for the aesthetic”

“So some kind of blind-sense then? That’s pretty cool, actually. To be honest, my eyes aren’t great, so everything’s kinda blurry for me right now.” There were a few beats of relative silence. _God this is so fucking awkward!_ Deciding that standing blankly was getting them nowhere, Gordon grabbed some 2-in-1 before interrupting the sound of pouring water.

“Do you want me to wash your hair? It’s probably wet enough by now, if you turn around I can put this in.”

They turned obediently, and he did as promised. It really was a _ton_ of hair. He even had to get more soap, because there just wasn’t enough. Absentmindedly, he started to hum as he worked the lather in.

“Ok, you can rinse it now.” They turned back to him, and _oh shit there must be so much soap in their eyes oh no_. He had washed their bangs too, of course, but it managed to flop back into place. He reached out and pushed the hair back, uncovering Benrey’s face by extension. “It shouldn't… get… in your…” his voice trailed off and all he could do was stare. He wished he could see clearly, he wanted to burn this into his memory and hold onto it. 

He looked… surprised? Maybe even a bit embarrassed. It was kinda cute. But now that Gordon was getting a good look, he couldn’t really look away. His face was so unique from any human, round and pointed and rough and soft and just… alien. Almost uncanny. But ultimately - and this is the most important thing - not bad.

“uh, feetman? Earth to Gaydon?”

“Shit! Sorry, spaced out there. You just- um- wash that out, and we can trade places. Got it?” They gave what he figured was a nod and did as they were told. Benrey doing everything he asked was as odd as it was refreshing. _Whatever, beggars can’t be choosers_. Soon enough the two switched, but they had grabbed the hair wash before he could get to it.

“this is the hair stuff right?”

“Yeah, you can just hand it to me.”

“but?”

Gordon was a bit slow to process, but eventually the hurt on their face clicked. “Wait, did you want to wash my hair?”

“k-kinda. maybe.” So that was a definite yes.

“You know what, go ahead. Just don’t pull or anything.”

He closed his eyes as fingers laced into his hair. They were clearly trying to be gentle, movements careful and painfully slow. 

“can you, uh, sing? again?”

“Sing? I don’t really know how to sing or anything, I was just humming. I’m kinda tone deaf, honestly, so it’s probably not-“

“please?”

“... Any requests?”

“idk, just whatever you were humming before ig.”

In The End by Linkin Park, then. Benrey joined in not long after he started, even though they definitely didn’t know it. When Gordon peeked out of one eye, he swore he saw some sweet voice dance around him. It ranged from a pale pink to a sky blue - he’d have to remember to ask Tommy about that. 

The next hour - or thirty minutes? It was hard to keep track - went by smoothly. That had to have been one of the longest showers Gordon had taken in a long time (he wasn’t looking forward to his next water bill), but it was undeniably worth it. He turned off the water as Benrey stepped out, and he came to yet another realization. 

“So, about the clothes…?”

“what ‘bout them?”

“Can you put those back on? Or are they just, uh, gone?” Gordon started drying himself off, brain already working on a solution.

“dunno. never really done this before.”

“Do you want to try wearing real clothes? I mean, ones that aren’t a part of you, at least.”

“I don’t have any tho. unless, uhhh,” he grinned as his tone shifted to something a bit more mischievous, “you’d be willing to lend me some.”

“Sure. But _just_ for now. We can go and get you your own stuff on my next day off.” Gordon left with his towel around his waist to get them both clothes. He was quick, not wanting to be cold and naked any longer than he had to be. He had gotten a t-shirt and shorts for his partner, figuring those were the most size-neutral things he could find. They were only a bit shorter and wider than him, but he didn’t want to take any chances. 

They both got dressed, the odd tension of being naked finally dissipating. When Gordon next looked at his alien partner, their hair seemed to be drying rapidly. In a minute, it was as if the shower had happened hours ago. He found a brush on the counter and started brushing his hair out, and Gordon desperately tried to figure what was giving him this sense of wrong as he watched. Oh, wait.

“Are you fine without the hat? I know you never really took it off before, so I don’t know if it’s weird for you to not have it on.”

“huh?”

“The helmet? Did you forget about it already?”

“its kinda- kinda weird, but like. im chill. i guess.”

“So, now that that’s over with… what now?”

“how bout a movie?”

The rest of the night ended up being spent watching a variety of old and poorly-produced movies, complemented by some sort of popcorn-based abomination that Benrey made the moment they were left unsupervised. They finally stopped around 2 am as Gordon was practically asleep and Benrey wasn’t sure what to do with himself if his boyfriend was unconscious beside him. He helped Gordon up and into his room. Before he could leave to his own bed, the man shot up in some sort of revelatory adrenaline.

“The hat!” He scrambled to his dresser and rifled through basically all of the drawers, leaving Benrey to just watch in bewildered concern. Apparently finding what he needed, he wandered back to them and pressed a clump of fabric to their chest.

“Hope this, uh, helps. Now I better get back in bed so I don’t collapse.”

And so he did. They shut the door behind them as quietly as possible before taking a better look at what Gordon had just given them. It was a thick black beanie with some purple text-box looking logo embroidered on the front. They smiled. The decision was instant- they were going to put this on tomorrow, and it was never coming off.


End file.
